solve love life problem

In fact, we asked the people who participated in our research if they were getting therapy, and we discovered that there was a reasonably high correlation between getting therapy and getting a divorce. It was more likely that couples would get a divorce if they had therapy than if they had no therapy. This was especially true for individual therapy, but it was also true of couple therapy.

That’s John Gottman , the data driven cupid of academia. He’s renowned as the relationship expert who can listen to a couple talk for just a few minutes and predict whether they’ll split up with an eerie 90+% degree of accuracy.

For decades he’s brought couples into his lab, studied how they interacted and followed up to see whether that worked. And he’s learned a lot. John’s book is The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples.

All couples have arguments. There is no magic, conflict-free relationship. (Sorry.) So how do you fight right ? That’s what we’re gonna learn. Where should we start?

How about at the beginning? Because as it turns out, beginnings are critical…

Start Discussions Gently

As you may have suspected, starting a conversation with “YOU MORON!” is never a good idea.

Seriously, if you don’t want your partner to get defensive and angry then, quite simply, don’t begin a discussion in a way that would make any person defensive and angry.

Sounds obvious but we all do it. And women do it a lot more than men. (Don’t worry; we’ll get to the mistakes men make soon enough.)

The woman’s role here is usually critical, as in heterosexual relationships (in most Western culture) it is the woman who brings up the issues 80% of the time, according to research by Philip and Carolyn Cowan at Berkeley. Again, the findings suggest that starting with attack is less likely to result in nondefensive or empathic listening.

The critical distinction here is between “complaining” and “criticizing.”

Complaining about a specific problem or behavior is totally okay. (“When you’re late, it makes me feel like I’m not important to you.”) But criticizing is when you present the issue as a defect in your partner. (“You’re just so selfish!”)

Telling someone you don’t like their behavior is appropriate and necessary. Accusing them of being a demonspawn succubus forged from an unholy pact in the darkest pits of the netherworld is, shall we say, less-than-constructive .

Happy couples presented issues as joint problems, and specific to one situation. Unhappy couples, on the other hand, presented issues as if they were symptoms of global defects in the partner’s personality.

But some people will respond, “You don’t understand. They always make this mistake and I’m just trying to fix them.”

Overruled, counselor. You’re still doing it, but with a shinier rationalization. Trying to “fix” your partner means you see them as defective. This is the perspective that couples on their way to Splitsville take.

Partners in unhappy relationships saw it as their responsibility to help their partners become better people. They acted as if they believed that the problem in relationships is that we pair with people who aren’t as perfect as we are. Then it becomes our responsibility to point out to our partners how they can become better human beings. They need us to point out their mistakes. We expect them to be grateful to us for our great wisdom. In miserable relationships our habit of mind is to focus on our own irritability and disappointment, and to explain to our partners how they are responsible for these miserable feelings we have.

Don’t raise issues in a way that could be summed up as “Everything would be wonderful if you just get your act together and do exactly as I tell you because you’re the screw-up and I’m the long-suffering victim here.”

Focus on the problem, not the person. And be gentle. Even if you are right, being self-righteous doesn’t help.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here .)

Okay, so you’ve got your head on straight about how to approach things. But your head isn’t the only part of you that’s important here. Your body plays a big part…

I know, easier said than done. But this is huge . The ability to stay physically calm during conflict showed the biggest correlation with relationship happiness of anything Gottman tested.

I recall a landmark phone call in my life from Bob asking me if I had ever obtained high correlations (in the .90s), and him reporting that we had obtained such high correlations in our first 3-year follow-up study, using only physiological data in predicting relationship happiness, controlling for initial levels.

Did you notice the wording there? “Physiological.” As in, your body. So suppressing rage, keeping your mouth shut and appearing chill doesn’t qualify as calm.

When things get emotional, your heart starts racing, the cortisol and adrenalin start pumping and this leads to a cascade of negative effects you can’t control. You have trouble listening, empathizing and problem solving. Gottman calls it “diffuse physiological arousal.”

You and I call it “wigging out.”

In the context of relationship conflict, DPA has big psychological effects. It decreases one’s ability to take in information (reducing hearing and peripheral vision and making it difficult to shift attention away from a defensive posture). It can also create increased defensiveness and what we call the “summarizing yourself syndrome,” which is repeating one’s own position in the hope that one’s partner will suddenly “get it” and become loving again. DPA can reduce the ability to be creative in problem solving, it eliminates access to one’s sense of humor and to affection, and it reduces the ability to listen to one’s partner and empathize.

And this is a bigger problem for men. When put in an emotional situation, men get “flooded” more quickly than women. And once physiologically worked up, it takes them longer to return to baseline.

…there were decreases in blood pressure only for women. Noradrenaline is a stress hormone that operates in the brain and is the equivalent of adrenaline in the periphery. Oxytocin, in her study, decreased noradrenaline levels for women, but not for men. Hence, this research would suggest that men are more vulnerable to DPA…

Ever get into a heated argument and realize it’s going nowhere? Once the stress hormones are hitting the bloodstream at firehose speed, Gottman says constructive, empathetic discussion is impossible. So what do you do?

Well, kids aren’t the only ones that can benefit from a time-out. You can’t “insist” that your body relax. So Gottman recommends taking a 20-minute break. And distract yourself during that time. (Bitterly mumbling to yourself for 20 minutes isn’t going to make Round 2 any easier.)

When you’re both calmer, try again.

(To learn the two-word morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here .)

So maybe you manage to stay all Zen. Great. But now you’re in the thick of the conversation. What should you be saying to make sure it doesn’t go off the rails?

Stay Positive

Yeah, sounds obvious. But this isn’t some silly little truism — it’s a powerful insight from real data. You want a ratio of five positive comments for every negative one.

The ratio of positive to negative affect during conflict in stable relationships is 5:1; in couples headed for divorce, it is 0.8:1 or less.

Even in the midst of arguments, the successful couples Gottman studied frequently sprinkled in positive statements like: “Good point”, “Say more about how you feel and what you need”, and “If that’s so important to you let’s find a way to make that happen.”

You want to avoid negative comments that aren’t constructive like: “That is so stupid”, “You’re so selfish” and, “I’d love to hit you with a tire iron and bury you in the crawlspace.”

But don’t forget — the ratio was five to one, not five to zero . Negativity isn’t evil. In fact, a little bit is necessary. Getting angry didn’t cause breakups…

It was escalation of negativity that landed people in divorce court. You yell and then they yell louder and then you yell even louder until the windows are vibrating and the pets are cowering beneath the couch. If this sounds like your fights, may I suggest you don’t get a 30-year mortgage? Because your marriage will likely be over in 6.

It is the escalation of negativity, marked particularly by criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, that predicts divorce. We found that couples who escalated conflict divorced an average of about 5.6 years after their wedding.

When things get heated, use humor. Calling your partner a joke is not a good idea but making a joke during a fight can help deescalate conflict.

(Positive affect) was the only variable that predicted both couple stability and happiness in our newlywed study. Furthermore, the positive affect was not distributed evenly or randomly during the conflict conversation—rather, it was used precisely—it was in the service of conflict deescalation. Positive affect and deescalation were used in the service of physiological soothing, particularly of the male in heterosexual relationships. That’s why even small amounts of positive affect during conflict predicted positive outcomes in the relationship. Bob Levenson’s lab has also found that humor is effective at reducing physiological arousal.

(To learn 3 secrets from neuroscience that will help you quit bad habits without willpower, click here .)

Maybe you’re doing good so far. But there’s a point when you just want it to end . You can’t handle any more talking or any more feelings. Like you’ve been through thirty days of Guantanamo Bay waterboarding and you’re all I’ll-tell-you-whatever-you-want-to-know-just-make-this-stop .

Yes, men, I’m looking at you…

Accept Influence

Don’t deny your partner’s feelings and try to shut them up. Hear them out. That doesn’t mean “just continue nodding until the words finally stop coming out of their face.” It means actually pay attention to and consider what they’re saying.

Guys have a big problem with this one — and it can kill a relationship.

Men’s acceptance of influence from their female partner was critical for well-functioning heterosexual relationships. The inability to accept influence from women was a stable predictor of relationship meltdown.

When women complain, men often emotionally disengage or get defensive and this just escalates things. The point isn’t that you have to fold and give in, you just have to listen and make it clear you’re listening.

This is manifested in one of two patterns of rejecting influence: (1) male emotional disengagement (which eventually becomes mutual emotional disengagement), or (2) male escalation (belligerence, contempt, defensiveness) in response to their wives’ low-intensity negative affect (complaining). The (happily married) men don’t reject influence from their women as often. They tend to say things like “okay,” or “good point,” or “you’re making perfect sense, really,” or “you’re starting to convince me.” This is not compliance; it is lively give and take. To be powerful in a relationship we must be capable of accepting influence on some things our partner wants.

(To learn how to have a happy marriage, click here .)

But what about those arguments you have over and over and over again? Will they ever get resolved?

Actually, uh, no…

Often, Nobody Wins. So Play Nice.

Almost 70% of recurring relationship disagreements never get resolved.

…we learned that only 31% of couples’ major area of continuing disagreement was about a resolvable issue. Much more frequently—69% of the time—it was about an unresolvable perpetual problem.

Unless it’s a true dealbreaker (“You really need to stop sleeping with the UPS guy”), let it go. You have to accept your partner “as-is.”

Nobody is perfect. You’re not perfect. When you get involved with anyone, you’re accepting a set of problems. You just want to make sure you’re with someone whose problems you can handle.

We found that what mattered most was not resolution of these perpetual problems but the affect that occurred around discussion of them. The goal of happily married couples seemed to be establish a “dialogue” around the perpetual problem—one that included shared humor and affection and communicated acceptance of the partner and even amusement.

Discuss the issue, but don’t expect that it’ll ever get resolved to everyone’s complete satisfaction. It’s more about how you discuss it. Be accepting, affectionate and laugh about it.

(To learn how to deal with passive aggressive people, click here .)

Okay, we’ve covered a lot. Time to round it all up and learn the final (and much more pleasant) thing that can help smooth romantic difficulties…

This is how to solve relationship problems:

So what else should you do in order to make a relationship work and get past problems? It’s not all about arguing the right way…

You need to have fun. Keep making an effort, keep having adventures, keep acting like you did when you first started dating.

In relationships that were happy, people continued courtship and intimacy and nurtured emotional connection, friendship, fun, adventure, and playfulness.

Even in the middle of a fight, it’s important to remember the person in front of you is the person you love. Love isn’t just a noun; it’s also a verb. Love’s not just something you have, it’s something you do.

And if you can continue to do it in the midst of an argument, then you can be happy after it ends.

And isn’t that what we all want? Happily ever after?

Join over 320,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here .

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful

How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert

Subscribe to the newsletter

Over 500,000 people have subscribed to my newsletter. join now and get the beginning of my new book free:, sign up to get all our latest updates & book release news..

I want to subscribe!

We are on Telegram now

click this icon for latest updates

Entertainment

Always give your partner a chance to respond

The first thing to do in any problem is to be a good listener. Always give your partner a chance to talk and hear him/her out. This will solve the problems by half. The main reason why many problems are never solve dis because both of you blabbering in anger and that obviously takes the fight nowhere. Hearing out will give you a better understanding.

Look at problems together

If there is an ongoing conflict, look at it together. Consider both the views and never to sell your views and opinions to your partner. Whatever the problem is, when you do things together, things will only get better.

Talk about what you can do to help

During a crisis, never tell your partner what to do or what not to do. Instead talk of things that you can do from your side to resolve this particular problem. The best solutions come when you are first ready to solve the problem. Whether it is deciding which movie or who will stay back to look after the kids or anything else. Offer help from your side first.

Value your partner

If there is love and acceptance in a relationship, it becomes easier for couples to solve problems. You will become more considerate towards to your partner during arguments or differences.

Be patient with your partner

However difficult the situation is, if you lose your patience, the situation will get worse. You need to be patient when dealing with problems. Losing calm, raising voices, ugly fights and quarrels will ruin your relationship in the long run.

Follow these 5 foolproof tips and your relationship problems will be solved.

For breaking news and live news updates, like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter and Instagram . Read more on Latest Lifestyle News on India.com .

Published Date: September 7, 2017 2:52 PM IST

15 Most Common Relationship Problems & Solutions

Intimate relationships that last seem rare these days. They survive only when people have the capacity to find shared ground, commit to one another, and overcome challenges. Relationship issues are common, but there are a number of tried-and-true methods for dealing with them.

We’re looking at 15 of the most common relationship problems couples tend to have, discussing what you can do to solve them and how relationship counseling online can help. With the proper mindset and knowledge, you and your partner can be on the way to a happy and healthy relationship.

1. Communication

If people in a relationship can master communication, you’ll be far less likely to experience other common relationship problems.

Effective, honest communication is essential to relationship success.

Different people communicate differently. You may be quiet while your partner is talkative. Regardless of your communication styles, relationships need effective, regular communication to thrive as a unit.

“Most couples see me for help with communication. It is really challenging to stay connected, still feel aligned, and intimate while also walking away from a conversation feeling as though we worked through an issue. Setting up, typically two very different people, with this idea that they’re on the same team can be the switch that gets them to this place.” Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Maybe you’ve stopped communicating the way you used to. For some couples, every conversation has an edge of confrontation. Others might forget what communication is supposed to entail and how important it is to happiness. To improve communication and emotional connection in your romantic relationship, try focusing on the following:

Communication is a two-way street that both people need to focus on together. If you want your romantic relationship to work in the long run, effective communication should be a priority. The good thing is, there are many useful communication exercises for couples to practice.

2. Arguments

Relevant debates are healthy and important for self-expression. However, spiteful arguments are hurtful and serve no good purpose. Successful couples have rules for arguing, such as:

If you have the urge to say something spiteful to your partner, ask yourself what you’re feeling first. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are your feelings hurt? Are you frustrated? What are you unhappy about?

Make a regular time to sit down and discuss developing issues before they build up and become problems or relationship challenges. Express yourselves peacefully, with forethought and a level of maintained respect, instead of simmering, boiling, and exploding on each other. Need help achieving this? Couples therapy techniques might help you. If you are having trouble controlling your anger and frustration towards your partner, our guide on how to control anger in a relationship might also help.

3. Staying Close

With time, every long term relationship will change. Some of what used to seem most important might begin to not even phase you anymore. Additionally, as things in the relationship change, you and your romantic partner may also be changing in different ways, evolving as individuals.

This doesn’t mean that your long term relationship can’t continue working. It just means that you need to make the effort to spend some intentional time rediscovering one another.

It’s not realistic to expect that people will stay the same throughout their entire life. People age, grow, adapt, and are fundamentally changed in various ways by their life experiences.

It’s important to stay close as a couple, even when you’re changing as individuals. Talk with each other and honestly discuss how you each see the future evolving. Enjoy discovering how you’re both growing as human beings. Change in a healthy relationship can be exciting.

4. Sex & Intimacy

Many relationship problems are sex-based. Ask yourself what you want sexually. Be honest and open with yourself. Encourage your partner to do the same. Then, get together and discuss what you both want.

Be mutually respectful of each other’s desires and needs. The chances are, you’ll both be pleasantly surprised and excited to make some changes in your sex life. Of course, some sexual problems will require professional help to get through. In some cases, you or your partner might have a fear of intimacy that’s impacting your sex life. A sex therapist can be a huge asset to any relationship. Explore this option before losing hope.

5. Infidelity

If your partner cheated on you, you’ll have to decide for yourself if you can forgive them, or if you’ll need to move on without them in your life.

Most affairs don’t typically happen spontaneously. Infidelity can also come in the form of emotional cheating, too. If you want the relationship to survive post-affair, you’ll both need to be honest about what happened, and then work together to solve any underlying issues.

Cheating hurts, and it can take years to get over. While many relationships can endure after someone has an affair, it requires a firm commitment from both partners for them to learn how to get over infidelity .

The simple fact is life requires money and couples argue about finances. Financial pressures can lead to catastrophic relationship issues when not addressed properly. Research shows that more than half of all couples enter a marriage already in debt.

It’s wise to have a clear understanding with your partner about who’s responsible for what in terms of money. A basic budget is simple to develop and can go a long way toward avoiding unnecessary arguments. For more tips, learn how to talk to your partner about money .

External pressures from traumatic life events can stress any relationship. The death of a loved one, financial strain, disease diagnosis, chronic stress, past abuse, or anything else that you or your partner has endured can affect emotional and physical health. Don’t shut your partner out. You’re a team. Be there for each other, even through the rough times.

8. Showing Gratitude

Everyone likes feeling appreciated for their efforts. Whether you have a fast-paced career, or you take care of the home, it’s important to feel valued for the things you do that make your partner’s life more enjoyable. Expressing appreciation regularly can ensure you’ll both feel more noticed in the relationship, even if it’s just for something simple.

9. Children

Parenting can be very difficult if you haven’t developed a cohesive plan and a firm commitment to stick to. This is especially true in the case of step-parenting. If you’re raising children from previous relationships together, definitive house rules are necessary. Talk with your partner in private about any parenting issues, and always present a unified front.

10. Keep Things Exciting

It can be hard to keep a relationship exciting, but relationships are work. You need to put in time and effort to keep the romance alive and stay engaged with your partner. If you feel like your relationship is in a rut, plan something different to help spice things up again.

11. Battling Over Chores

Many people struggle over responsibilities at home. If you start to feel resentment about who’s doing what (or who isn’t doing what), keep the lines of communication open and be sure you’re sharing your frustration.

Let your partner know you need help. Be specific with what you want. Then — and this is important — resist the urge to correct how they accomplish a task. The only thing you’re doing by reloading that dishwasher “your way” is telling them that they should just let you do it in the first place next time.

Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. If you’re questioning whether or not you can trust your partner, calmly yet firmly ask them if there’s reason for concern.

If your partner is the one who has trust issues, reassure them they have nothing to worry about.

The good news is that you can overcome trust issues in a relationship .

Feeling safe in a relationship is important. Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse cannot be tolerated. Any form of abuse should be taken seriously and addressed immediately. If you need help and are in an abusive relationship cycle , you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time.

14. Change in Life Goals

Goals are important, and when two people in a relationship are aligned in terms of what they want out of life, it can be wonderful. Sometimes, however, goals change. If you and your partner can’t get on the same page with what you both want in the future, it can cause problems. Talking about your goals and being realistic about what each of you wants will be important throughout the duration of your relationship.

15. Same Fight, Different Day

It’s not uncommon for a couple to have the same fight over and over, but when disagreements start to escalate, or problems begin to manifest in other ways, it can be problematic for the relationship. Be sure that you’re addressing the root of the problem, so that you can attempt to change the behaviors and thought processes you both develop after so long.

How Do You Fix Relationship Problems?

If your relationship seems substandard in any way, and you want to fix it, it’s simple to begin. It can also be a lot of fun, if you’re both dedicated to the process.

“To start fixing issues in a relationship, the highest levels of success depend on each partner’s willingness to show up and take ownership of their contribution. Having an impartial lens of a professional helps to navigate this journey, but even individually-carving out space, having real conversations about issues, and always bringing creative solutions to the table can start the trajectory in a positive direction.” Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Remembering to implement any or all of the following can be beneficial in any relationship:

If you want to solve your relationship issues, remember what it was that first attracted you to your partner. Ask yourself where the relationship problem is stemming from, and then take action to improve the situation. Be honest with your partner and enjoy rediscovering the excitement of your love.

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/ . Published 2021. Accessed December 10, 2021.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors ; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

Articles contain trusted third-party sources that are either directly linked to in the text or listed at the bottom to take readers directly to the source.

Meaghan Rice PsyD., LPC

Dr. Meaghan Rice, LPC, is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor with over 10 years of experience. She's a military spouse and parent, and has found her niche helping people move through their most challenging moments and embrace their inherent strengths.

Teen Suicide Warning Signs & Prevention Tips

Fear of intimacy: signs, causes, and how to overcome it, you may also like.

7 minute read

When to Start Premarital Counseling

Oct 25, 2021

4 minute read

6 Traits of Highly Toxic People

Apr 19, 2018

5 minute read

Dating Can Be Complicated When You Struggle with Self-Harm

Dec 03, 2020

Talkspace mental health services

Convenient and secure online therapy from the comfort of your home

Psychiatric treatment from a licensed prescriber

Relationship-centered therapy that connects you and your partner

Specialized online therapy for ages 13-17

Special Offer: Get $100 off with code SPACE

16 Ways To Solve Relationship Problems without Breaking up

Solve relationship problems without breakup

How do you usually react to the problems in your relationship ? Do you get angry? Do you feel frustrated and helpless? Do you easily give up? Or do you do something to fix whatever it is that is broken?

The truth is, only a few people actually know how to survive the greatest challenges in their relationships, while most end up saying goodbye to their love stories with a broken heart – and you should learn from this.

There’s no such thing as a smooth sailing relationship. Every couple encounters an obstacle as they face life together; some are petty, while others can be more difficult to deal with. True, these problems are part of a couple’s test of patience, and it’s up to them how to overcome them. Sadly, there are also issues where the couple could no longer resolve, thus leading to the end of their relationship.

Whenever you are faced with the most challenging obstacles, a break up is not always the answer – even if you think that it’s the only way to stop your heart from hurting.

If you are currently caught between saving your relationship and ending it, this article will help you take the right step.

Here are some inspiring tips on how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.

1. Accept the fact that you don’t have a perfect relationship.

You’re not in a fantasy world, and your love story will never be as perfect as what you read in fairy tales – and it’s okay. A part of fixing your relationship’s problems is recognizing that what you have is not perfect – and it doesn’t have to be.

Accept the fact that you and your partner are just humans capable of making the wrong decisions. Don’t end the relationship just because you did something wrong or your partner took a wrong turn. Please talk about the real issues, acknowledge that you do make mistakes, and learn from them.

2. Talk about the problems that are affecting your relationship.

When the two of you face a misunderstanding over a particular issue, like when you cannot agree on a joint decision, the best recourse is to talk things through. Communication is the golden key to making a relationship last, especially when trying to solve a problem that affects both of you. Talk about it first and try to understand what went wrong. It’s best to discuss the issues together instead of fighting and playing the blame game.

Tell your partner your thoughts, and allow them to voice out their ideas as well. There’s no need to prove who has the better opinion because, at the end of the day, neither of you would be happy with a half-hearted decision.

Talking things through helps a lot, however, as you learn more about how you think as individuals and how you can come up with a compromise over that subject you have been arguing over.

Even if it’s just one person who made a mistake, you both have a role to play in fixing it. You apologize, you forgive, you give second chances, and you learn from your shortcomings.

ALSO READ: 8 Ways to Solve Communication Problems in Your Relationship How to Discuss Relationship Problems without Fighting

3. Take some space from each other, but set an amount of time.

Taking some time away from each other can be a good way to cool the emotions down, especially when you have reached a heated argument. You cannot come up with a sound resolve if you are on a high emotional high, so it would be better to take some time off. You may want to spend time with family or friends, or just by yourself, so you can think things through.

If you think you both deserve a break from each other, it’s okay. Just make sure that you take them on together when you’re finally ready to face the problem.

Do set a time limit, though. You may want to dedicate a specific time to discuss your problem together; make sure that this period of being away from each other is enough for both your emotions to calm down.

4. Be patient, be more understanding, and have a little more faith.

When your relationship problems are further burdened by being in a long-distance relationship , you have to rely on three important qualities: patience, understanding, and faith.

Don’t break up just because you are too impatient. Give your relationship a chance to adjust to a long-distance relationship , and most importantly, have a little more faith in your partner. Why would you give up if your significant other is doing everything to make it work?

ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship

5. Take a walk together.

When you can’t come up with a resolve to your argument sitting down, then it may help that you go out for a walk. Unlike traveling or going on a vacation, taking a walk is a much simpler way to contemplate your issue and the kind of solution you want to address. Walking also helps you two relax, and in a way, realize that you’re on the same journey together.

Solve Relationship Problems without Breaking up

6. Go through the argument while holding hands.

Holding hands while talking about relationship problems can be cheesy for some couples, but this approach is highly recommended, even by psychologists.

When you hold hands while discussing a problem, you can feel each other’s emotions without using words. You form a more intimate connection that allows both of you to exchange empathies, and the decision you come up with to solve the problem becomes sincere and wholehearted.

7. Say sorry – and mean it.

When you and your partner are in an argument, for sure, you will be hurting each other’s feelings, either by the words you say to each other or through your exchange of reactions. Regardless of who is at fault, however, be ready to say you’re sorry.

Saying sorry doesn’t necessarily pertain to that you are taking the situation’s fault, but more to the hurtful position you have placed your partner. It is also important that you know the reason behind your apology and that you only mean well.

8. Be mindful of your partner’s feelings.

When facing an argument, you should be well aware of how your partner feels and reacts. Their emotions serve as signals towards their next move, such as coming up with a decision. You should read these signals before they actually spell out what they want to say or explain. Otherwise, you will not understand each other.

9. When in doubt, pray.

When both of you cannot come up with a resolve together, despite going through a series of discussions over the same issue, then perhaps it’s time to pray.

There’s nothing prayer can solve, as while it doesn’t always provide you with answers, praying helps you rethink your relationship goals and how you want to achieve these. The quiet time also allows you to calm down until you find a balance between reason and emotion while facing the problem.

10. Never let the idea of breaking up enter the conversation.

“Let’s just end this”, “let’s break up”, are the phrases that can be the most painful part of trying to solve a relationship problem. No matter how emotional or hurt you feel, never let the idea of ending your relationship be a part of the conversation.

Don’t give up just yet, especially if you still want to fix it. Even if you think that saying these things will make you feel better, it won’t. It will just add another thorn to an already aching heart.

11. Stop putting all the blame on your partner.

As mentioned before, don’t play the blame game. When your partner does something wrong or facing a problem in your relationship, consider these two possibilities: one, whatever your partner did maybe a reaction to how you treated them, and two, you’re partly responsible for what happens next.

Evaluate yourself as a partner. Are you doing your part? What do you think are the factors that drove your significant other to make these mistakes? Could you have done something to prevent them?

However, also keep in mind that there are really times when even if you did everything right, some people won’t just do their part and mess up. In such cases, you should never blame yourself. Know when you are right and know when you are already being taken advantage of.

ALSO READ: 9 Effective Ways to Help Couples Solve Relationship Problems

12. Don’t let other people’s judgment influence your decisions.

While it’s good to ask for advice and help from other people, the only ones who can really fix the problems in your relationship are the both of you.

As long as you know that you are treating your partner right and you are doing your part, then you should have the confidence to reject other people’s judgment about your relationship – especially if these pieces of advice contradict how you truly feel.

13. Don’t turn to your vices for temporary remedies.

When people have relationship problems, they usually turn to their vices for temporary comforts: drinking, smoking, and even flirting with other girls/guys. While they can make you feel better somehow, imagine how much damage they can do to an already dying relationship?

Don’t take this road if you still want to save your relationship from breaking up . Face your problems head-on, and face them as a couple. Alone, you are weak and vulnerable. But together, you’re unstoppable.

14. Never use your words as weapons to hurt your partner.

Words are powerful. They can be as beautiful as flowers but can also be as deadly as a knife. Use them wisely, especially if you’re trying to fix a problem in your relationship. Never use them as weapons to hurt the person you love just because you’re angry – because if you do, there is no turning back.

Choosing the wrong words can lead to a breakup. At the same time, choosing the right one can save your relationship. These choices will always be there every time you fight or argue. Make sure to pick the right one .

15. Don’t argue over the phone, chat, or text.

Personal confrontations are always best when resolving an argument between couples. Bickering over the phone, through text, or via chat can be very limiting, as you don’t get to understand each other’s points of view completely. The emotions that come with the messages likewise get lost in translation when not dealt with in person, thus making matters worse in the long run.

It may be better to dedicate time to talk things through, like meeting up after dinner or lunch, in a place where you two can be alone together. The intimate environment provides a sincere ambiance, which allows you and your partner to discuss the issue comfortably.

16. Never vent to your friends when you’re in an argument with your partner.

When taking time off from your partner due to an argument, it would be great to spend time with friends so that you can relax. However, you shouldn’t discuss your relationship issues with them.

They may give you varying opinions on the matter and make it more difficult for you to think straight, and they may even go the extra mile and talk these out to your partner. Sure, they mean well, but it doesn’t always mean that their unsolicited help can solve your relationship issue.

In a nutshell…

All couples go through all sorts of relationship problems. It doesn’t excuse anyone. You may be dating for only a few months or have been married for several years already, but obstacles would still come your way. All these trials are just a test of patience, and being able to overcome them together may lead to a long and lasting relationship.

Even if you don’t have the perfect love story, it’s important that you hold on to your relationship, especially if you think that you’ve finally found the one. Problems will always be there to challenge your bond, so make sure that you are ready and strong to face them all. Don’t give up!

Online courses recommended for you:

Books recommended for you:

* As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

6 Common Long Distance Relationship Problems and their Solutions

14 Common Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them

My partner and I have been fighting for a few days. But I did not understand who was responsible for this. But after your article, I understood my mistake. You tell me everything about relation tips. Thank you very much for the tips. Please share more like this(:

The Art of Solving Relationship Problems

A six-step process for putting problems to rest..

Posted January 17, 2011 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Kate was annoyed at the amount of money Tom spent on new fishing equipment. She offhandedly mentioned it to him once, decided to drop it, but then spent the weekend snapping at him about all sorts of little things. Tom knew what was upsetting Kate, but rather than saying anything, decided to keep quiet and ride it out.

Sara and Matt are always fighting about the kids. Sara thinks Matt is too easy on them, while Matt thinks Sara acts like a drill sergeant, unable to ever cut them any slack. The kids feel caught in the middle and play one parent against the other.

Problems are bound to arise in any relationship, and each couple finds its own way of handling them. Kate, for example, gets upset about what Tom is doing, but has trouble being direct and clear about what is bothering her. And Tom has learned over the years that if he lays low, he can wait for it to blow over. Because Sara and Matt are unable to get on the same page with parenting , they become polarized, with each overcompensating for the actions of the other, and using their children as a battleground for their own struggles.

Unfortunately, their children are ultimately the losers in their struggle. Other couples are even less open and say they never argue. Instead they silently agree to avoid confrontation and push their problems underground, creating anxiety and stifling intimacy .

Unsettled problems are a major source of stress , stress that can not only undermine your relationship, but your diabetes management as well. Research has shown that successful relationships are not those that necessarily have fewer problems, but those that have found effective means of solving the problems that come up.

Here is a six-step process for tackling and solving those problems in your relationships.

Step 1: Define your problem and solution. Sure, you know you're upset, but what exactly are you upset about? Kate might be mad about the new fishing gear, but is it about spending the money, the fact that Tom didn't talk to her about it ahead of time, or that perhaps it's another reminder that he spends almost every weekend with his friends fishing and that they don't do things together as a couple? Sara realizes that she is upset with Matt always undermining her, but is more worried about the fact that the kids are confused and playing them against each other.

Take time to clearly define what bothers you the most. Figure out how you feel and why. Anger is a common reaction, but try and go one further step and ask yourself what is it that worries you or hurts your feelings. Many psychologists consider anger a reaction to other emotions lying beneath.

Sure, Kate feels angry, but actually she feels hurt that Tom doesn't seem to want to spend more time with her. Sara gets annoyed, her annoyance is masking her worry that the kids are becoming manipulative. To be able to talk about these underlying emotions, rather than your anger, gets to the core of your true feelings, and is easier for the other person to hear and understand.

But problem-solving is more than just an airing of complaints. Next, you need to be clear about what you would like to be different in positive, concrete and specific terms. Suppose Kate realizes that what she really wants is for her and Tom to do more as a couple. Rather than complaining and saying to him that he is spending too much time fishing, or merely saying that she wants to do more with him, she could say instead that she would like him to have more time to do things with him as a couple and wonder whether he would be willing to leave two Saturdays a month for them to do things together. Sara might say that she is afraid that the kids seem confused about what is expected of them, and would like Matt to map out with her a chore list for the kids that they can both agree upon.

Step 2: Plan a time to talk. OK, you've done your prep and are clear on the problem and your solution. Now pick a good time to talk - not when your partner just walks in the door after work, not after you've both have had a couple of cocktails on a Friday night and are tired, not 10-minutes before you have to pick your daughter from soccer—but a time when you both are likely to be calm, relaxed and able to listen. If you are not sure, send your partner an email or write a note suggesting a time and giving a preview of your discussion. ("Matt, I'm worried about how we are handling the kids. Could we sit down on Saturday morning before the kids get up and talk about this?") This gives your partner a heads-up about your concerns and schedules a time that will work for both of you.

Step 3: Talking and listening. OK, take a deep breath. Start by talking about your view of the problem, your worry, your solution—"Tom, I know I seemed upset but the new fishing equipment but I realized that what was bothering me about it was...;" or, "Matt, I'm worried about the kids and think it's important that we both be on the same page." Talk about you, not your partner. Use "I" statements ("I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells when I'm around you," or, "I think that it would be wonderful if you could do more together,") rather than "you" statements ("You never say anything positive, you always seem angry.") Talking about yourself helps keep your partner from feeling attacked or blamed, and getting defensive and angry in return.

Managing a conversation is a bit like driving a car. You want to keep in mind where you are going and stay on the road. You steer the conversation, just as you do when driving, by making subtle adjustments as you go along. If Kate sees that Tom is getting upset she can stop and check it out—"Tom, you're looking upset. Did I just hurt your feelings?"—rather than ignoring his reactions, plowing ahead, and leading them both into an emotional ditch. Do your best to sound calm.

Strong emotions stir defensiveness in the other, and undermine the problem-solving process. If your partner does start to get angry or defensive—"What about you ... Last week you did ..."—get quiet. While you're probably tempted to defend yourself, doing so at this point is like throwing gasoline on fire. Your goal is to put out the emotional fire in the room and you do that by simply listening. If you don't fuel the fire with more words, your partner will eventually calm down.

If, however, it seems that both of you are getting worked up, that emotions are getting too high, if the conversation is beginning to feel like a power struggle with one of you needing to win or get the last word, it's important to stop before the situation gets out of hand. The best way to do this is by saying as calmly as you can that you want to take a break and cool off and that you'd like to try again in a half-hour, an hour, or after dinner.

Be clear it is a time-out and that you want to talk again. Don't just say, I don't want to talk about this anymore, and walk out of the room. This kind of cut-off will only make the other more anxious and angry and escalate the process. When you are both calm, try again. If the conversation quickly heats up again, stop and take another break until both of you are absolutely calm. Control the temperature of the conversation.

If things have gone well and your partner is able to listen to what you have to say, ask for their reactions. Tom may say that he understands how Kate feels and wants to do more as a couple, but quite honestly, he says, he wants to do something more active than the car trips or the going to the movies that they've done in the past. Matt may think that a chore list a good idea, but he is particularly frustrated by the kid's inconsistent bedtimes.

The goal is to hear each other out. Don't worry about over-talking if the talking is sincere and productive. Resist the "Yes, but" response, and instead focus on "Yes, and"—accepting and building on each other's ideas. See each other as on the same team, working together for the relationship. Make sure you understand exactly what the other is saying—"Tom, what exactly would you rather do together?" or, "Matt, what time would you like the kids to go to bed?" Keep it clear, keep it concrete, keep it calm.

Step 4: Decide on a plan. If you are both in agreement about the problem, it's time to agree on a plan of action. Again make it as specific as possible and time-limited, and try to address each of your worries and preferences. Tom agrees to not go fishing next Saturday; Kate agrees to try out Tom's idea of going hiking on a new trail. Sara and Matt agree to map out a short list of chores and bedtimes for each of the kids. They will talk together with the kids next Saturday morning, then try it for a week. Write down the plan just so it is clear to both of you.

A "let's try it" attitude is better than obsessing over the ultimate solution. The willingness to work together is more important than the decisive plan. If at any point in the planning, you feel like your partner is going along with and passively agreeing, check it out—"Are you really OK with this? I can't tell how you're feeling." Don't march ahead until you know the other is on board.

Step 5: Evaluate. Try out your plan and evaluate. Did Tom and Kate both enjoy the hike on Saturday? Were Sara and Matt able to back each other during the week when the kids started to complain about the chores? The evaluation is about honesty and fine-tuning. Kate and Tom did like the hike, but Tom really missed seeing his buddies on Saturday and would rather do it again on a Sunday. The new chores and bedtimes seemed to work OK, but Sara and Matt decide to continue for another week to see how well the kids settle into the routines, and then discuss it again. Again, keep changes clear and concrete.

Finally, try and give each other feedback about the talking process itself: It helped me to have us write out the plan; what did you think? Did you feel like I was giving you a hard time when we first started talking? Again you are both learning a skill. Knowing what worked and what didn't will make your future efforts at problem-solving more effective and comfortable.

Step 6: Say what you like. Researchers have found that if you want to create a positive and supportive environment for your relationships you need to give each other four times more positive comments than negative ones. What this means is that you can never give each other enough compliments and support: Thanks for talking, I appreciate your trying this out, I'm glad we are doing this together. This support helps you from slipping back into old patterns and encourages you to keep up the new ones.

When you first started learning to drive, you probably felt overwhelmed and awkward and went all over the road at first. Learning to steer your conversations will at first feel much the same. Don't get discouraged. With practice, you will get better.

And if, in spite of your best efforts, your conversations get too explosive, if you need help figuring out exactly what it is that is bothering you, or if you feel overwhelmed by the number of problems you're worried about, consider seeking professional help. A couples or individual counselor can provide a safe environment for sorting out problems and discussing difficult topics, and can coach you on specific things to try at home. Your mental health association, your physician, the yellow pages, and online searches can lead you to qualified professionals in your area.

Keep in mind that you really can't make a mistake. If a conversation goes off course, circle back and try it again. Your goal is not to do it right but to do it differently—to plow new emotional ground, to speak as honestly as you can, to be open to compromise. With patience and persistence and pats on your own back, you'll be able to put your relationship problems to rest.

Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., has 45 years of clinical experience. He is the author of 11 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally.

Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but there’s every reason for them to open up emotionally—and their partners are helping.

Please enter your mobile number to Login/Singup on Suvich

By proceeding ,I Agree to Terms and Conditions & Privacy Policy

OTP Verification

OTP has been sent to you on your mobile number

Love Problems are Such a Headache! Solve Them Using Free Astrologer Advice!

Want to make your love life smooth and free of troubles suvich is here.

Love is a feeling of compassion and affection. None of us want it to get hampered by any other person, be it our loved one or any outsider. However, we know very well that some people in this world can ever bear to see you happy and gloomy. Hence, they will keep becoming or creating problems in your love life. These can be people or situations that you face in a lifetime. So, make sure that you are already prepped up with such solutions that help you deal with your today and also make it possible for you to live a happy love life. There is a lot that you need to work upon. Hence, we suggest you hire the best astrologer who can help you deal with all the love problems in one go.

Suvich is here now to make sure that it can help you in the best way to deal with love problems. We have a group of eminent astrologers that promises to help you deal with all the issues that can affect your love life. You now need not worry or panic when it comes to dealing with the love problems that you might face with the love of your life. So, make sure that you take up the consultation that is provided by the astrologers at Suvich for dealing with love problems!

Getting Troubled with the Love Problem with Your Girlfriend? If yes, then Suvich is Here to Help!

There is a lot more that you need to deal with when in a romantic relationship. From dealing with the regular fights to coping up with the misunderstandings, there is a lot that you need to tackle to be in a relationship with your partner. It is said that a lot of this is based on the planetary influence that you have in your life. Now you need to panic whenever someone says that oh your relationship might end. Since you have got Suvich here to help you. There is no need for you to get worried about anything anymore. As we have got the best service providers to help you. So, make sure that you now get on board and take up the consultation sessions at Suvich to get help from the expert astrologers.

Hurry up and rush on to Suvich now whenever you feel that you are going to land in a problem with your girlfriend. With these solutions, you can get control over things in no or little time and can also be at peace. Suvich promises you that the esteemed astrologers that are a part of our website are well-versed with astrology and know what they are dealing with. Using these love problem solutions, you can now certainly live your love with peace and also make sure that there is no tiff between you and your partner. Get the best astrological love problem solution and we promise that your life will be at peace from now onwards!

Love Problem Solution for the Couples! Suvich is Here to Help You!!!

Love is an everlasting emotion that in words can not be represented. They are still desperate to express their feelings with their partner because someone likes them, but we do have our shortcomings that change the relationship. is When people are in a relationship, there is a lot that is going on in our lives. We often struggle in our lives when it comes to love relationships and try keeping them all good. However, it is not just easy for us to deal with all those problems. Now you can head on to Suvich when it comes to dealing with the relationship love problems. You will get your hands on the best astrological consultation for solving love problems.

There is no doubt that now you can certainly deal with love problems very easily by just getting yourself registered at Suvich. We promise to provide you with the best and proficient astrologer who can surely help you deal with love problems in the best way. Not only this, there is going to a lot of hue and cry in your life when you are in a relationship. To get rid of such problems and issues, you always have to make sure that you get the best help from experts. Only a good astrologer can see your horoscope and tell you the right solutions to deal with your partners!

Talk To The Best Love Problem Solution Astrologer On Call! We Bet That You Will Get The Most Sought-After Solution!

Do you seriously want to get a solution on a telephone conversation to a love problem? Many might not know that a love problem can be a serious disappointment in one's life? Are you online at Suvich seeking a relationship problem solution? If yes, then we would like to tell you that you certainly are in the right place, as we have a very esteemed team of astrologers to help you deal with love problems in India. There is certainly a lot that you can do when it comes to dealing with such problems.

Our hectic schedule and a search for worldly rewards and career achievement have taken their toll on our connections in life in modern times. Hence it becomes important that we get in contact with the best astrologer for dealing with the love problems in life. We have a lot to deal with, be it the screwed up marriages, constant heartbreaks, missed cases of love, and mucked up relationships of love. Our increasing desires and ambitions have greatly increased the issues in our love life. Marriages fail and hence we can say that due to love problems they have become more short-term and there is also no feeling between couples. This is the tale of most of the youth generation in the world today. In such cases, isn’t it better to get in touch with the best astrologer for help with the love problem solution in India! Our team of astrologers can certainly help you in the best way!

Facing Difficulty in Dealing with Love Problems? Suvich is Here to Help you!

Are you one of those who have just had a heartbreak? If so, don't really lose hope over your lost love. Contact the most popular astrologer of love problem solutions in India at Suvich. We are a reputed name when it comes to dealing with life problems, be it related to love, career, or marriage. There is no doubt that you can now deal with all your love problems efficiently. We have luckily been able to help almost hundreds of clients before as well. We very much look forward to hearing from you people and also want to make sure that all of you are doing good in your lives.

There is a lot that you can do now when you visit Suvich for help. You can now head on the best and we bet to provide you with the best solutions. Level up your love affair with logical interpretation and reliable possible astrological readings to the next stage of marriage. Suvich provides the best love astrologer in India who has answers to all your love issues. 100 percent fulfillment guaranteed. A lot of experience so far we have gained and have luckily been able to please many customers. This is all that you need to deal with the love related problems in life. Only then you will be able to live a happy life.

Want to Deal with Love Problems? Suvich is Here to Help!!!

You now need not worry about anything and rather just head on to our platform and get the best love problem solutions for your dearest partner. There is no need for you to deal with all such problems now as we have a set of astrologers for you that promise to deal with all your issues that are related to your love life. There is no need at all for you to panic when it comes to dealing with such sensitive issues. So, make sure that you do not keep waiting for your problems to worsen and join us on time for help.

If ever you are worried or panicky about the love problems then we hope that you will be better saved using our amazing consultation services. Suvich is here to make sure that all of you get the best services for your love life to be smooth and convenient for you and your partner. We bet that with the help of our Kundli, you can also see if or not you can get married in the future or not. There is no boundary to love, only you need to make sure that you are on the right path. So, hurry up and do not wait much for anyone as we at Suvich are here to help you!

Suvich Promises the Best Love Problem Solution! Go Ahead and Join Us!

There is no need for any of you to panic if your partner is fighting every day. Many of you might be having questions in mind if or not will work for a long time? Whether you guys are destined to be together? If your partner is cheating on you or not? Similarly, there are a lot of other queries that we have constantly running through our minds. Now you can certainly do a thing, which is to hire the best astrologer from Suvich. This is how you can now get rid of all the problems related to the love life. Not only this, but you can also now head on to Suvich for many other related problems. This is never going to be a worry for you, as we are here to help with all your love and marriage related problems.

We Are Ready to Help You.

IMAGES

Love Problem Solution Love Life Solve Get Love Back в 2020 г
Vashikaran Specialist in India: A perfect way to solve your love life problems
Solve love problem by different kind of love problem specialist
Solve love marriage problem by black magic
Love Problem Specialist baba ji: Get Love problem solution without Money
Free Love Problem Solution

VIDEO

For love problem solve 3 days all lifeمحبت کا آخری حد کراس کرنے والا عمل
Love can solve everyproblem #shortsvideo #songstatus #youtubeshorts
“Love problem” ||Afterlife au|| (season 2)pt 11
The truth about your love life... 🤯 #shorts #psychologyfacts
Listen to this If you are confused in life..ll Feelings ll Ruby Gupta ll
[v] Steal Ur Girlfriend Ep 08 Promo

COMMENTS

What Are the Six Steps of Problem Solving?
The six steps of problem solving involve problem definition, problem analysis, developing possible solutions, selecting a solution, implementing the solution and evaluating the outcome. Problem solving models are used to address issues that...
Must-Haves for That Loved One in Your Life Who’s Always Tired
According to The National Sleep Foundation, 35% of Americans say that their quality of sleep ranges from “poor” to “fair.” All in all, that’s not great. No matter how tired you are, a pillow that’s too flat, hard or lumpy could really make ...
How Do You Solve a Problem When You Have Different Bases With the Same Exponents?
When multiplying or dividing different bases with the same exponent, combine the bases, and keep the exponent the same. For example, X raised to the third power times Y raised to the third power becomes the product of X times Y raised to th...
7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
Relationship Problem: Trust · Be consistent. · Be on time. · Do what you say you will do. · Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner
How to Solve Relationship Problems (with Pictures)
Make sure that you maintain friendships and other interests so that you do not rely too heavily on your partner. It is important to have a life of your own as
30 Common Relationship Problems and Solutions
Your expectations for your sex life may be a bit unrealistic. As your sex life loses steam, you likely are replacing more love and appreciation
7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them on MedicineNet.com
Relationship Problem: Money · Be honest about your current financial situation. · Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. · Acknowledge that one partner
How To Solve Relationship Problems: 5 Secrets From Research
As you may have suspected, starting a conversation with “YOU MORON!” is never a good idea. Seriously, if you don't want your partner to get defensive and angry
Follow These 5 Tips To Solve Relationship Problems and Lead a
Follow These 5 Tips To Solve Relationship Problems and Lead a Happy Love Life · Always give your partner a chance to respond · Look at problems
15 Most Common Relationship Problems & Solutions
If you want to solve your relationship issues, remember what it was that first attracted you to your partner. Ask yourself where the
16 Ways To Solve Relationship Problems without Breaking up
You're not in a fantasy world, and your love story will never be as perfect as what you read in fairy tales – and it's okay.
The Art of Solving Relationship Problems
Now pick a good time to talk - not when your partner just walks in the door after work, not after you've both have had a couple of cocktails on
Love Problems
Problems in relationship causing you stress? All you need to do is get in touch with love experts at SUVICH for Free permanent solution for your
Love Relationship Problem Solution By Astrology
If you are also trouble in your life related to love and other problems then once Consult Us. 100% Guaranteed trusted solution for all type